A Letter to a Dog

Dearest Oliver,
Our separation has been too long, and I fear the month span before I see you again will be unbearable. Especially knowing I might have caused you any amount of heartache in my most recent actions. But all's fair in love and war. And your people declared war. Remember a month ago, when we were toilet papered by two corrupted sweeties? And let's bring back to your recollection the fact that it rained through the night following the toilet papering. These grievances can not be over-looked. I send my deepest apologies that we used you as bait, to counter-attack the most vicious fiends. It was all written in love...

***House-trained and Child-Friendly Bichon Frise***

A beautiful, child-friendly, house-trained, crate-trained, full-bred male Bichon Frise for sale, $30 OBO. This 4 year old male is current on his shots, neutered, and is a wonderful family pet. We are moving to Alaska, and know he is better suited to warmer climates. We are looking for a loving family for him to go to. We are moving soon, so please call immediately! Only phone calls please. (DOG) FOR-SALE (Real phone number replaced for the purpose of this blog)

If it makes you feel any better, lovely puppy, within only 2 hours of this false ad being posted on Houston's Craigslist, there were at least 25 people vying for you! Many of which eager to take you home this night. Which attention solidified your familial place in your people's home.
Oliver....
Ollie...
Pookie...
May we extend the olive branch to you and your people, in hopes that we can stand in a draw, and move forward from this incident with stronger bonds. Goodnight, sweet pup, I hope you rest well knowing that the reality of our silly prank will never be actualized, and you will remain in your people's family, FOREVER! P.S.....


TELL YOUR PEOPLE TO BACK OFF!