The Man Cold

Ryan's combination of late nights watching the Thunder play, and early morning (starts at 6am) boot camp exercise at Chesapeake, has caught up to him. He has a cold. But not just any cold. He has a man cold. Weak immune systems beware, a Man Cold is debilitating.

I saw this commercial probably a year ago, and laughed so hard! Now, it is not so funny. If you'd like to understand what I'm talking about, watch the movie above. I wish I had the video capabilities to create the counter-commercial, The Woman's Flu. But, instead I will write the script.

[Scene] Camera pans a dark bedroom, showing a man waking up in an empty bed, reaching over to turn off his alarm clock. In the background, you can hear the faint sound of vomiting. Husband walks sleepily from the bed, to their bathroom, opens the door to the sound of violent retching.

Man: Are you ok?

Woman: I've been up [more coughing and gagging] the entire night. I feel so sick.

Man: I'm so sorry. Can you move a little so I can get into the shower?

[Scene Ends. Woman is sleeping under a pile of blankets on top of her in bed. Two children rush in, and jump on her.]

Kids: Mom! I'm so hungry! I need food!!

Mom: Can you ask dad?

Kids: He just left. We need food NOW!!!

Mom slowly climbs out of bed and makes her way to the kitchen to get breakfast on the table. While pulling out the bowls, she starts dry heaving again, and uses one bowl to catch her projectile vomit. Then has to clean up her own mess, and proceed to prepare breakfast, of course with a few reminents in her hair.

[End Scene. Cut to Mom driving the oldest kids to school, her newly active bowels starting to squeeze. She barely makes it home, rushing inside while her kids drag behind her, fighting with each other. Cut to montage of the following scenes: Mom crashing on the couch while the kids watch a movie and destroy the living room, which she later cleans up. Prepares lunch and dinner for the entire family. Scrubs the toilet she's been soiling. End Scene. Cue husband walking in from work, wife sitting at the kitchen table with her head resting on the top, half alive]

Man: Whats for dinner?