A Hard Lesson Learned

I typically don't do "journal" posts, because I am a visual person and love looking at pictures. So I may include some pictures as I write this, for those of you who are like me. So here it goes:

I am a hard headed person. This does not come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. I am a woman who knows what she wants, and will work tooth and nail to get it. I seem to exude this trait even in the way I walk, because people I see at Church in passing comment on it! I've always considered this one of my strengths. I admire strong, determined, hard-working women, and wanted to be apart of their ranks. The past quarter-century of my life (...ok, my life to this point) has been culminating to this lesson learned. You can not force the Lord. Now, I have always known this. I am not that slow. There is a specific and tailored plan for all of us. I have always prayed to be in tune with that plan, so to avoid hardships and frustration. Yet, I seem to learn the hard way. I have had a short "I will NEVER do" list and I have been proven wrong everytime. Here are a few examples:

* I will NEVER get married in college, let alone have a baby! Here I am on graduation day with not only my husband but also my daughter Brenna.

* I will NEVER do Network Marketing. This was non-negotiable. Especially one involving skin care. Yet, through this experience I have learned many life lessons I would not have learned in any other way.

* And don't get me started on parenting. Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I swore "I will never do that" or "I will never say that" and yet, I proven wrong over and over again. I won't embarrass myself with details, except for the obvious example of never saying, "Because I said so". Those are just a few of the many, and all of them have to do with the same principles. They are perspective and timing. Throughout humbling experiences, I have gained a new perspective. I have seen a side to situations I did not expect to. I expected to be a mom when I can devote my full attention to a wonderful baby, not struggle with leaving my baby at home while I finish my degree. I expected to be financially comfortable enough to give freely to those in need, instead of being on the receiving end. I (niavely) expected my husband to find his dream job upon graduation, not struggle to find any job despite our hard work and most sincere prayers. Being on the opposite side expected has given me such a perspective that when I meet someone in that situation, I can have truly empathize with them.

The last is timing. I have tried unsuccessfully to explain my thoughts on this to Ryan and others. I have learned that even when something feels right, it may not be the right time. And no matter how hard you work, how much you pray, if it is not on the Lord's timetable, it is not for your benefit. I won't try to explain it more fully, I'll let someone much more eloquent do so! Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk on "Timing" (Thank you to the Brays for listing this talk! It was very much needed!) You can read it at: http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=684&x=69&y=1. Here is one part which really hit me: "In all the important decisions in our lives, what is most important is to do the right thing. Second, and only slightly behind the first, is to do the right thing at the right time. People who do the right thing at the wrong time can be frustrated and ineffective. They can even be confused about whether they made the right choice when what was wrong was not their choice but their timing." I hope this post is not seen as a soap-box sermonette, but an honest journal entry about something I've learned.